Epilogue
I had to leave it a while before writing this last entry in my diary. I wanted to write a ‘epilogue' but there were so many positive things that happened to me over the 6 weeks I couldn’t get my thoughts in any order.
3 months on and I am still in awe at the whole experience. How many times do I have to write amazing, incredible, wonderful, extraordinary, and thrilling in order to convey my feelings?
I went back to work the day after returning from Sough Africa. Unlike those dreadful long hall flights to the US, the trip was free from jetlag and the resulting horrible three days of sleep deprivation. I spent the first week telling flying stories and being congratulated on my healthy appearance. I was very surprised to find there was a much wider audience to my blog that I had anticipated – family and close friends I could understand, but their family and their friends were also caught up in my excellent adventures.
If I had to pick three of the many positive outcomes from the trip, they would be:
1) Proving the doctors wrong! Three years ago they predicted a very grim, short future for me, and for a while I sat down and waited for it to happen. I saw the scholarship as my swan song – let me just do this before I die and I will be happy. Now - having, for the first time in my life, achieved something so amazing – I want to do more. I had such a good time, I found my optimism again – and my smile - and this time the doctors are not going to take them away from me.
2) Taking back my independence. When we arrived at 43 airschool we were given our little rooms and left to our own resources. The staff were incredibly kind and thoughtful, and although most of the day to day chores were provided, the every day business of managing our disabilities was our own responsibility. Of course, the challenges were different for all of us. In my case, for the first time in three years there was no one telling me to ‘rest’ ‘sit still’ or the all too familiar ‘I’ll do that’. There were no no recriminations – if you hadn’t done so much yesterday…………..’
I learned how to ‘pace my race’ and how to manage my own tiredness, if I overdid it, then the next day I would rest. I learnt to identify my own limits – and pushed them all the time – Two hours flying and two hours flight school was exhausting but it was my choice to do it – and my choice to have a rest day when I needed it. One of the first things I did when I got home was to ban those phrases in my house. It was difficult, because I know that my family love me and are frightened at the possibility of loosing me, but they respected my wishes and I am left to organise my time as I wish. Of course my husband still cooks me fabulous meals, ( there are some things I am happy to delegate) but now he only raises his eyes and gives ‘I told you so’ nods when I overdo things. I can make my own choices, and have to live with the inevitable exhausting consequences from time to time
3) And then there was the Flying…………I did it – I FLEW AN AEROPLANE IN SOUTH AFRICA. What an astounding experience. When I got into the tiny aircraft on the first day, I was terrified there were butterflies having a riot in my stomach . Thoughts like ‘what have I done’ and ‘whatever made me think I could do this’ went through my mind. Six weeks on the butterflies are still there – they are just flying in formation now! For the first time in my life I have overcome something that totally terrified me; it has not only given me a sense of achievement but the confidence to try other new things. When I found out I was going to die – I put money away to pay for my funeral expenses – now I’m going to use it for more flying lessons. It took a while for me to realise what a huge turnaround in my thinking that decision symbolised.
Thank you FSD for giving me back my life
Flying update…………
I have flown three times since I got back, and finally cracked the landing thing. I managed three unaided landings in my last lesson. My instructor thinks I’m almost ready to go solo, but unfortunately I am still not able to get medical clearance for the licence.
I had to leave it a while before writing this last entry in my diary. I wanted to write a ‘epilogue' but there were so many positive things that happened to me over the 6 weeks I couldn’t get my thoughts in any order.
3 months on and I am still in awe at the whole experience. How many times do I have to write amazing, incredible, wonderful, extraordinary, and thrilling in order to convey my feelings?
I went back to work the day after returning from Sough Africa. Unlike those dreadful long hall flights to the US, the trip was free from jetlag and the resulting horrible three days of sleep deprivation. I spent the first week telling flying stories and being congratulated on my healthy appearance. I was very surprised to find there was a much wider audience to my blog that I had anticipated – family and close friends I could understand, but their family and their friends were also caught up in my excellent adventures.
If I had to pick three of the many positive outcomes from the trip, they would be:
1) Proving the doctors wrong! Three years ago they predicted a very grim, short future for me, and for a while I sat down and waited for it to happen. I saw the scholarship as my swan song – let me just do this before I die and I will be happy. Now - having, for the first time in my life, achieved something so amazing – I want to do more. I had such a good time, I found my optimism again – and my smile - and this time the doctors are not going to take them away from me.
2) Taking back my independence. When we arrived at 43 airschool we were given our little rooms and left to our own resources. The staff were incredibly kind and thoughtful, and although most of the day to day chores were provided, the every day business of managing our disabilities was our own responsibility. Of course, the challenges were different for all of us. In my case, for the first time in three years there was no one telling me to ‘rest’ ‘sit still’ or the all too familiar ‘I’ll do that’. There were no no recriminations – if you hadn’t done so much yesterday…………..’
I learned how to ‘pace my race’ and how to manage my own tiredness, if I overdid it, then the next day I would rest. I learnt to identify my own limits – and pushed them all the time – Two hours flying and two hours flight school was exhausting but it was my choice to do it – and my choice to have a rest day when I needed it. One of the first things I did when I got home was to ban those phrases in my house. It was difficult, because I know that my family love me and are frightened at the possibility of loosing me, but they respected my wishes and I am left to organise my time as I wish. Of course my husband still cooks me fabulous meals, ( there are some things I am happy to delegate) but now he only raises his eyes and gives ‘I told you so’ nods when I overdo things. I can make my own choices, and have to live with the inevitable exhausting consequences from time to time
3) And then there was the Flying…………I did it – I FLEW AN AEROPLANE IN SOUTH AFRICA. What an astounding experience. When I got into the tiny aircraft on the first day, I was terrified there were butterflies having a riot in my stomach . Thoughts like ‘what have I done’ and ‘whatever made me think I could do this’ went through my mind. Six weeks on the butterflies are still there – they are just flying in formation now! For the first time in my life I have overcome something that totally terrified me; it has not only given me a sense of achievement but the confidence to try other new things. When I found out I was going to die – I put money away to pay for my funeral expenses – now I’m going to use it for more flying lessons. It took a while for me to realise what a huge turnaround in my thinking that decision symbolised.
Thank you FSD for giving me back my life
Flying update…………
I have flown three times since I got back, and finally cracked the landing thing. I managed three unaided landings in my last lesson. My instructor thinks I’m almost ready to go solo, but unfortunately I am still not able to get medical clearance for the licence.
posted by judith | 7:33 PM
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